Batshit holiday crime
Every time I write my end-of-year newsletter, I try to find some absolutely lunatic holiday crime to regale you with for our grand finale. This year, I think Iâve found a good one â itâs the story of the Christmas tree that wasnât a Christmas tree.
This article from a UK newspaper explains how a woman from San Bernardo in Chile bragged to her neighbours that she had the âbest Christmas tree in the worldâ, and it turned out to beâŚa large marijuana plant.
Police raided the house (probably on a tip-off from jealous neighbours, amiright?) and found the plant in her living room, surrounded by wrapped gifts just like a regular holiday tree. They arrested the woman for possession of ÂŁ25,000 in cash, 21 cannabis plants, two homemade shotguns, and 29 bags of drugs. Ho ho ho!
It certainly gives a different slant on the idea of âthe season to be jollyâ.
Police reportedly said, âWe expected to find some drugs, but the last thing we expected to see was one of the plants being used as a Christmas tree.â I hope the lady in question wasnât using any extra herbs in her Christmas cooking, but whoâs to know.
And hey
If you donât like that batshit holiday crime story, maybe youâll like this one about the lady in Sydney who accidentally stole 10,000 doughnuts.
Australia Represent!
How Iâm doing
Hey, thank you, Iâm doing a lot better now! Itâs been six weeks since my surgery, and while Iâm still going slow (like, slowwwww) with everything, I seem to be improving week on week. Thank you all again for the good wishes, Iâve really appreciated that âĽ
The weird thing Iâm finding is that I feel great for a couple of days, then I backslide into a few days of exhaustion and discomfort. But hey, four weeks ago I couldnât stand up unassisted; this see-sawing is probably normal, right? Iâm not a doctor, what do I know â safe to say that thereâs still a lot of resting ahead in my future.
On the upside, Iâve had the chance to spend some quality time watching TV with my kids lately, which has been kinda great. I finally discovered GOOD OMENS â Iâm not really into the action of the show, but I could happily watch Michael Sheen and David Tennant flirt with each other all day. Theyâve done such an incredible job of evoking two people with a millennia-old connection that anytime theyâre not onscreen I lose interest. And Sheen does this thing where his eyes keep straying to Tennantâs lips, and itâs just delightful. Anyway, I canât wait to get into season 2 đ
In other news, Iâve finally reached my greatest goal of the year.
Thatâs right. After many diligent months of my continual reminders, my kids have finally learned to automatically stack the dishes on the draining board before the washing up commences.
Iâm so proud.
Yes, this is me being sarcastic while Iâm stuck here on the couch, watching the house get extremely messy around me.
Merch!
YES â finally, we have merch!
If youâd like to buy yourself (or someone you love) a None Shall Sleep tote, or a No Monsters Only People hoodie, or a None Shall Sleep pillow (lol) or something else, now you can! I vouch for the hoodies, they are extremely snuggly and I wear mine constantly. Go here to the brand-spanking-new merch page on my website and order to your heartâs content.
This is a pretty great achievement too, tbh đ
Giveaway
Iâve been angsting about giveaways lately because while Iâve been stuck on the couch with health things, I havenât been able to get to the post office with giveaway prizes.
Then I realised â wait, I can do a giveaway without posting anything at all.
So if you would like a free one-year subscription to Nailbiters, my behind-the-scenes paywalled newsletter with sneak peeks, deep cuts into how my books are written, and special treats like excerpts from None Shall Sleep 3, please leave a comment/reply on this newsletter letting me know.
Iâll choose three winners and inform them in replies, then activate your Nailbiters access immediately.
Holidays for book lovers
Look, these bookish holiday destinations are all in the UK, but I can dream, right?
Thereâs a nice selection in this article of places to go â writersâ retreats, book-readersâ cosy nooks, libraries to visit. Â You can have the services of a âbookish butlerâ. Visit all the locations of famous UK authorsâ houses or writing nooks (thatâs free, you just follow the trail of blue markers). Have a library sleepover (will one night really be enough?). Go on a bookclub holiday in North Yorkshire.
And this pic (below) of the University Arms Hotel in Cambridge â am I deluded? Isnât this the filming location of at least one scene in the Sense and Sensibility movie with Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant??
Where can you find me these days?
If youâre trying to find me on FacebookâŚsorry, but I donât really live there anymore (havenât for a while, although my author page is still up).
Iâm on IG of course, and also on Tiktok, and Iâm having a bit of fun there releasing reels with quotes from the None Shall Sleep Sequence, like so:
OtherwiseâŚI mean, Twitter (yeesh, I refuse to call it X) is emitting its dying death rattles, and while Iâm still there sometimes, I donât hang around much like I used to.
Bluesky is nice, I guess? I really liked it when I joined up, but it hasnât seemed to make a lot of progress since then. I have an account on Bluesky, but Iâm only popping in and out.
Threads â yes, I am on Threads now, wth. I heard that it was nicer than Twitter, and more active than Bluesky. Initially I vowed I wouldnât use it because once youâre on it you canât delete it without nuking your IG profile⌠But dang it, Iâm finding it more enjoyable than I anticipated. My only sadness is that there arenât more horror writers I love there. Maybe more will switch over? Weâll see.
Iâm not on Notes. Social media is deeply confusing to me right now. Honestly, the best place to find my unexpurgated nonsense is here in this newsletter, and also in my paywalled newsletter Nailbiters.
Trying to buy my books for the holidays?
You can! In fact, I encourage it đ
I have a list of all my books and every place I can possibly think of where you can buy them right here.
If youâre looking for signed copies, there will be some at Dymocks CBD Melbourne in a weekâs time. Otherwise, feel free to get in touch in the new year for a signed bookplate (free! I just send them out in an envelope, itâs no problem).
LoveOzYAbookclub
This month weâre reading DARK HEIR, the NYT bestselling sequel to one of my fave books of last year, Dark Rise, by CS Pacat, and I AM EXCITED. Come on over to the IG page and say hi anytime.
Thatâs it from me, and thatâs it for 2023! Wow, did this year go fast or what? Wild stuff.
Iâm still gonna be sitting here on my couch a while longer, but please allow me to wish you all a very happy holiday season! May you have a calm, enjoyable, and soul-warming celebration at yearâs end. This newsletter is on hiatus from now until February 2024 (I mean, you can still read back editions if you like). But all the very best from me and mine to you and yours âĽ
Take care of yourselves, happy reading, and I hope you get some excellent books for Christmas! See you in the New Year!
xxEllie
I am so glad to hear that your recovery is going well. I wish you a speedy recovery! It takes lots of time and patience, but rest up and donât stress!
As for the merch I could not be excited. I cannot wait for my hoodies to arrive!
I would love to receive a Nailbiters subscription! I love your work and your characters so much!