The Black Hand, vol. 14
The Cabarets of Heaven and Hell
If you were a connoisseur of Parisian nightlife in the 1890s, it was possible to get a glimpse into the nature of Death, Heaven, and Hell all in one evening by visiting three cabarets that were all within walking distance of each other in the Pigalle district of Montmartre.
The Cabaret du Neant had chandeliers made of bones and tables made of coffins. The walls were adorned with pictures of gruesome executions or ghastly battles. Wander a little further along, and you could visit Cabaret de l’Enfer for a taste of Hell, entering through the gaping fanged maw of a demon, where you could be served by imp waiters with red-hot pokers, and watch devil musicians playing selections from Faust. Strolling just next door, you could give Heaven a whirl at the Cabaret du Ciel, which had servers wearing lacy wings and halos, and a ceiling painted with blue skies and fluffy golden clouds.
I mean, it sounds a bit like the worst kind of novelty theatre restaurant in existence? But apparently nineteenth century Parisians lapped it up, go figure.
The Killing Code audiobook
Oh, I have some cool news about THE KILLING CODE audiobook!
It will be narrated by Natalie Naudus (who also narrated One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston, and The Bone Shard saga by Andrea Stewart, and She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan) and Kelsey Navarro (who also narrated All The Feels by Olivia Dade, and Awk-Weird by Avery Flynn).
These are some super-talented narrators, and I truly cannot wait to hear what the result of the recordings will be! It’s a little strange, to hear your words read aloud by someone else – but if anyone can do a great job bringing Kit and her codegirl gang to life, it’s these two amazing women 😊
Keep an eye out for more news about the audiobook version of THE KILLING CODE coming soon.
Currently reading
Well, honestly…not much at the moment? The school term ends this week, and I’m just trying to keep a firm grasp on which universe I’m in at the moment. I’ve bought a couple of prospective reads, though, so I’m keen for some holiday time so I can dive in. Thank you to everyone who suggested reads last month, I’ll let you know how I go with them!
5 Incorrect Ways to Dispose of a Dead Body
Okay, as a crime writer I have done a load of research on this topic over the years – many people have tried to dispose of dead bodies in ways that got them caught. I thought you’d like to hear about it because sure, it’s weird, but who knows when you might (ahem) need this kind of information?
Allow me to add a disclaimer that whatever my newsletter readers do in their private lives is absolutely none of my responsibility. But for interested parties, here are some things you should avoid if you’re trying to secretly dispose of any corpses you may have laying around the house:
1. Bury the body in the garden, then plant some protected flora on top of it
Funny meme, but this is incorrect – law enforcement are allowed to disturb or dig up endangered plants in order to unearth evidence of a serious crime. So don’t plant a body in your yard then try to cover it with rare orchids or something, that won’t work.
2. Put a dead body through a wood chipper
Sounds good, yeah? No body, no police case… I mean, technically you’d be ‘getting rid of the body’ by reducing it to pulp. But it’s a terrible way to dispose of a corpse – it’s messy, dangerous (bits of bone flying out all over the place! Ugh!) and a woodchipper has dozens of tiny parts to find trace evidence on. I can’t even imagine the amount of labour necessary to get one of those machines DNA-clean… It didn’t work in Fargo, and it won’t work for you, my friend. Forget that idea.
3. Donate the body to science
Nope – no can do. After all that grave robbing in the nineteenth century, every organisation that accepts cadavers for science now has a rigorous process of screening and selection, which involves in-person interviews with family members, before accepting body donations. Nuts.
4. Burn the body in your backyard (or some other place)
Cremation works, right? Well, only under certain conditions. An average adult human body takes one and a half hours to cremate at a sustained temperature of 1000 degrees Celsius in an industrial furnace. Your crappy backyard bonfire is not going to cut it. Fuhgeddaboudit.
5. Eat the evidence
Gross. Also, even if you’ve got the stomach for this (cough), plenty of studies have shown that cannibalism is a great way to get prion diseases like Kuru and Mad Cow and a bunch of other neurodegenerative conditions (if you’re not bonkers enough already). Sorry, friends, I know you’ve all watched Yellowjackets, but that option is not available to you.
But all is not lost! Stay tuned for the next edition of the newsletter, when I explain body-disposal methods that actually do work!
What I’m watching
Okay, while I haven’t been doing much reading, I have been doing a bit more watching – and of course I’m watching Bridgerton season 2, who do you think I am?
One of my favourite tropes is Enemies To Lovers, and the whole production is so impeccably beautiful… The entire show really is a visual feast, and I adore it. Also how gorgeous is Simone Ashley as Kate? Amongst an array of truly lovely-looking people in showbiz, she is genuinely stunning.
Farwell, teaching!
If you missed my update last month, I mentioned that I was about to go on leave from my teaching job for a little while… Well, that time has come. I finish work on 8 April, and I’ll be away from high school teaching for a minimum of twelve months.
After that, I just…write all day, I guess? Not gonna lie, I’m completely thrilled. It’s a bit of a dream scenario for a writer, to switch into full time writing. It’s a gamble, and it’s nerve-wracking in many ways, but it’s definitely time. I haven’t had a proper weekend for more than 4 years, so I’m really looking forward to that. I’m also looking forward to having regular hours, where I’m not madly planning school lessons at 10:30PM or rising at 4:00AM to finish writing tasks before deadline. So that is going to be really nice, and I’m excited!
But I’m also going to miss teaching – and I’m especially going to miss my students. Over the last few years at my school, I’ve taught dozens of teenagers who are now growing up as they move through the grade levels. Nothing makes me prouder, as a teacher, than to walk around the school on yard duty and get a wave or a hi from all the kids I’ve taught – it makes me feel connected to the school as a whole, to the community in my town, and to each of these kids in particular, even in a small way. It has been a huge privilege to have spent time guiding and encouraging my students, and I hope I did a good job.
I still have vivid memories of some of my own teachers, a few of whom really inspired me. My high school English teacher, Lorna Ferguson, was an effervescent and eccentric woman who somehow figured out that the shy little weirdo in the front row of her classes was a writer. She gave me advice, took me to my first writers group meeting (it was a romance writers group, I figured out later!), and encouraged me to keep scribbling.
I lost contact with Mrs Ferguson after high school, as often happens – but years later, when my first book EVERY BREATH was approaching publication, I sought her out. We reconnected via letters, and I learned about her poetry and painting, and how delighted she was that her influence had somehow helped shape my writing aspirations.
I hope I’ve been a good teacher, and that I’ve been encouraging and supportive, like a good teacher should. And I hope that at least some of the kids I’ve taught remember me as fondly as I remember Mrs Ferguson.
The Killing Code quotes
Keep an eye out online for a bunch of little animations I’m putting together for THE KILLING CODE release, with some tasty quotes from the book.
Find sneaky glimpses into the world of my WWII codebreakers – and the murder mystery they desperately need to solve – by tracking the animations with #TheKillingCode🔑 hashtag on Instagram and Twitter.
And you can still get a great deal on the US preorder here – or if you’re in Australia/New Zealand, keep your eyes open when a brand new cover (!) and preorder link becomes available very soon!
LoveOzYAbookclub
This month’s title is League of Liars by Astrid Scholte, a great follow on from our book for March, Only a Monster by Vanessa Len. Come along and join in the bookclub chat anytime.
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And that’s it from me for this month – but new surprises about THE KILLING CODE are dropping into my inbox all the time. I’m also hoping to have a cool announcement for you about another project soon 👀
Stay well, look after yourself - and for every teacher and student who reads this newsletter, much love and good wishes to you! Have a great week, and happy reading 😊
xxEllie